The job interview is a bit of a farce. We all know.
One person wants the job, the other wants the perfect hire. So the former says the things he thinks the other wants to hear while the other looks for information and, of course, there’s an element of dishonesty. This is not such a terrible thing. Dishonesty keeps us civil. You can’t go through life telling everyone what you think all the time. Similarly, hiring managers do not really expect you to share your most real weakness. They want to see how you’re dealing with demand.
“What’s your biggest weakness?” is, of course, one of the most common job interview questions, along with “What is your ideal job?” and “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
We thought it would be fun to ask some people how they would honestly answer some of the most common interview questions “if you weren’t necessarily trying to impress someone”.
Here are some of the things they had to say, just for fun purposes:
What is your ideal job?
“A rock star.”
“Author, but for myself, not for others”.
“New York Times most popular travel novelist or TV host.”
What is your greatest weakness?
“I have a mild anxiety disorder and I tend to fix on one small thing and get annoyed. For example, someone will look at me the wrong way and I’ll think you hate me and I’ll go into a paranoid spiral about how everyone in the office hates me and I won’t be able to concentrate on my work. Then, when the work is not done and you ask me, I basically have a full-blown panic attack and start hyperventilating and crying. ”
“My constant need for reassurance and praise.”
“I can’t hold an opinion for myself.”
“I’m terrible at my office homework (ask me to post a letter on your behalf and it might not happen for three weeks) and when I paint myself in the corner unable to do something incredibly easy and simple, I lied about it. ”
“Why are you interested in this job?”
“I’m not. I need a job.”
are you a team player?
“I’m not a team player because I prefer to work alone.”
“I’m a team player as long as I’m the captain, or the captain is someone who has established his own competence and control of the situation.”
How do you handle criticism?
“I smile and nod on the outside, but on the inside I plot my revenge.”
“Externally I handle criticism well but internally I’m upset, sometimes for years”.
“I usually get annoyed and think you’re wrong. This is an instinctive response. Later, I will think about it and realize that you are probably right and that I can learn from listening, but for now I will hate you and will have to refrain from punching you in the face. ”
“Opposition is loud, I swerve and then I mislead anyone who might attack.”
Where do you see yourself in five years?
“Thinking of the future makes me sweat. I have no idea. That is, I understand the future as a concept, but I cannot put myself in it. I’ve always been that way. When I was younger I thought I was going to die by now. I’m glad I’m not and I’m not going to die anytime soon if I can avoid it, but I can’t imagine myself in the future, five years from now. Does this make sense? ”
“Sitting where you are, but in a much better dress and a nicer chair. And more beautiful. ”
“I don’t know, but I’m not doing this lousy job.”